The other day I took Laly on a little overnight 'girls trip' to stay at my parent's home for a night while my Dad was away so that Romain could have the chance to wake up in his own time (this is our current luxury!), and rock out with his guitar for the morning. It was special to be there with her, just the two of us. We hung out by the pool, looked at old photos, played by the waterside, and explored the neighbourhood. At times I felt Mum was watching us from her bedroom window, or enjoying being in the water with us. There is always a connection, an 'invisible string', and I feel really lucky to be able to feel it so vividly.
While making our dinner, I noticed a postcard I had sent my parents ten years ago from Italy that was still on the fridge - it remains one of the only items on their fridge. Although it's been there for ten years, for some reason during this visit, I decided to turn it over and read it...
November 20, 2006
CASA DOLCE CASA (home sweet home)
"Dear Mum & Dad, could not resist sending you this one. It is the strangest feeling for me being here, a place I know so well yet is so faraway from my life in Australia. I feel like a child in an adults body! Drinking mazzemino at Pizzeria Leno was so peculiar. We have walked the streets like I have longed to do. And when I walked under my old bedroom window [pictured here in the postcard] I felt like yelling up there, "I'm here!" All very surreal. A lovely, peaceful end to an exhausting but incredible 3 week journey. Miss you while here, makes it all the more peculiar not to be here with you Mum. See you in a week! Lots of love, xxx"
For those who have followed my journey over the past decade, you may know that this postcard was written during that fateful trip to Paris, Amsterdam, and Italy, which I wrote about in My Heart Wanders. Brief as it is, this postcard says so much, that only my Mum would have felt and known about at the time. This trip was the catalyst that sparked my fire, it gave strength to my heart voice, and helped me rise up from my quietened life and follow my wandering heart.
Ten years on again, as I look back at my younger self who wrote this postcard to my even younger self, I remember asking myself at the time, when everything seemed so chaotic in my life... Would I be bold enough to pursue my own dreams? To live away from my family? To live differently to my family? Will I be ok when my mother dies? Will I become a mother?
Trust. Because, yes. I need to remember this every time I ask myself heart questions in times of messiness and chaos. "Trust. Because, yes."